Just call me Scrooge McGrinch.

“It’s beginning to look a lot like…”—no it’s not.

“Deck the halls with…”—I’ll deck you.

“Santa Claus is coming to…”—no, he’s not.

I have mentioned my dislike of Christmas before, and have been questioned as to how I could possibly not be joyous during the most wonderful time of the year. I used to love it; I thrived on carols, decorating the tree, and wearing green and red. Hell, one year I even made a fireplace out of construction paper just so I had a place to hang the stockings with care.

And then, I realized it’s all just dumb.

The first, most important reason why is that this is the season of thanks. From the day after Halloween until the day after Thanksgiving, we should be focused on what we are grateful for what is already in our lives, not what we will find under the tree. I’m not talking about Thanksgiving Day itself or celebrating white men once again coming in and taking land from Native Americans; this is when we should look around at the people and things we already are surrounded with and just be happy with that. Christmas is forced on us on November 1st, sometimes before, with commercials and friggin decorations in stores, and we don’t have two minutes to appreciate the season that is quickly getting pushed out of our lives. What are you thankful for? Have you given yourself a chance to think about it?

Let’s take a minute to expand on Christmas being shoved down our throats, shall we? For the love of sweet angels, it’s November 9th, and I can’t walk into a bloody store without being attacked by tinsel and nutcrackers. I’m already tired of Christmas carols and candy canes. Sure, twinkly, colorful fairy lights are good all year round, and nothing beats the succulent flavor of a hot mug of gingerbread flavored coffee while breathing in the delicious scent of evergreen while watching Charlie Brown’s Christmas (literally the only four things I like about the season), but come on! I don’t need constant reminders of how broke I am and how I have no idea what to buy anyone. Reindeers shitting in my yard? Yeah, no thanks Santa. Elves creep my out and mistletoe reminds me that I am once again single on a holiday. What is there to be so in love with? Spend more and more, deal with the bills another day! And guess what? By January 3rd the gifts will be forgotten and something new will be on the wish list.

Lastly, Christmas means winter. And winter can suck it. There is sunlight for about 8 seconds and the days seems endless. Snow and ice = death and destruction. It’s cold enough to freeze the devil’s testicles and I can never seem to get warm. Season Affective Disorder is in full effect and I am more miserable than normal. After the new year, we get three more months of this, yay!

If you love Christmas, I applaud you. No, really, I am a bit jealous. I wish I still found joy in it; life was much more pleasant when I did. But, try as I may, I just cannot enjoy it. I suppose it’s frowned upon though to reply with, “go suck a fucking candy cane” when someone wishes me a happy holiday though, huh?

Ho, ho, NO!

I took a surplus of Halloween snapchats before the filters disappeared, so you’ll be seeing these for awhile.


One Comment

  1. How witty and expressive. No denying your feelings about Christmas. I love the holidays from Halloween to New Years. I accessorize my home to set the mood. And Hallmark movies….I can always get romance from that, being single as well. Bake some holiday treats from scratch. Fire up some Yankee Candles with your favorite scent. Sit back a minute or two, close your eyes and take it all in. Maybe, in time, you will “warm up” to the holiday frenzy. Love you much 🕸🦃🦌 ❤❤❤

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