Well, well, well…look who has finally decided to show up. It’s been a busy month – more drama than a llama’s mama, school, work, Christmas…I have a good excuse! Don’t give me that whole, “if you want a successful blog, you need to post all of the time – keep your name out there” jive; I know that old song.
Fine, okay, you’re right. That’s just an excuse. You caught me. I mean, I was busy – that’s not bullshit, but did I really have no time to post, not even a few minutes?
So, what did stop me? I’ve actually been thinking about this, and the answer is: failure. Or more specifically, my crippling fear of it. It creeps into all parts of my life – school (don’t even get me started about grades and my GPA), work, family (trying to please everyone, or should I say everyone that I give a damn about, is exhausting), my writing, and probably a thousand other places that I can’t even think of right now.
When it comes to this blog, I find this fear working its magic by freezing my fingers, making it impossible to type the thoughts that enter my chaotic brain. And when I do manage to get a few bits down, I look upon them in disdain, wondering why I would bore anyone with my absurd ramblings and horrible lack of talent. And if I somehow manage to click that mocking “post” button, I regret it instantaneously, knowing that whatever I published is not worthy of anyone’s liking or admiration.
“So why bother posting at all,” the fear sneers, and I reply by…well, not writing a damn thing. I pour over well-known blogs like The Bloggess and Farm Girl and wonder how I can be them. We each have our own voice, but how do I touch people in the same ways that they have? How do I make my anxiety work for me, to make me a better writer and a better blogger? I will ponder that and hopefully come up with some sort of answer. Or maybe someone out there can help a sista out?
Anyhoo, while I was away, I did make a blanket. And I tell ya what – if you want an easy gift for someone (note: while you’re out, buy a Starbucks gift card or something because you won’t want to let the blanket go and you’ll still need a gift), take three yards of fleece and tie them together and then wash and dry it. I literally cannot move once I am under it; the house could be on fire and I’d be all, “nah I’ll just chill here…”
I also snuggled with my cat a lot…
And my animals looked festive…
I wish you all a happy New Year. My resolution is to post more, and make them a bit less pointless than this one here. But, you know how that goes. By January 3rd, it’s all gone to the shitter.
12/31/2014: I’m going to lose weight. 01/03/2015: Oh, is that a cookie?!
12/31/2015: I’m going to save money. 01/03/2016: But I neeed that unicorn hat!
12/31/2016: I’m going to use a planner. 01/03/2017: What the hell was I supposed to do today?
Let’s see how this one goes. What’s your New Year’s resolution? Or are you in the school of it’s all bunk?
If you want to give me a belated Christmas gift, and you know you do, please share the hell out of my blog. Maybe if I have more readers, I will feel more motivated to write more? So really, it’s a win/win – think of the jewels of wisdom you will get to read!