Last week, I reactivated my OKCupid account. I’m not sure why – I suppose I am just a glutton for punishment.
It all started about six months ago. Having been single since getting my heart trampled on, my friends decided that I needed to move on, so they (not so gently) urged me to sign up to the website. Hey, it was free, so why not!
Famous. Last. Words.
I am broke, so I knew that Match and eHarmony weren’t for me, and sites like Tinder are made for the beer and bootie call scene, which I am most definitely not a part of. So OKCupid seemed a decent fit, and I plugged in my information and waited for Prince Charming to message me.
And I waited…
And waited some more…
And I’m still waiting…
Okay, so in full disclosure, the very first thing on my profile is:
“Why does everyone on this site like to go hiking and/or yoga, love sushi and wine, and love traveling? Did I sign up for completelyunoriginaldating.com?/Let’s be real here – I clearly signed up to meet someone who’s rich and willing to take care of me, because, quite frankly I just do not want to work anymore.”
Shut up, I think it’s clever.
But while I stand by, I thought I would share a few life lessons that the men on OKCupid have taught me.
Superficiality is alive and well online. While I took time filling out my profile, I know that most people look at pictures and move on. You could say you are a serial killer searching for your next victim, and if someone likes the way you look, they’ll send a message. You can’t go into any of these sites expecting the majority of people to read your full profile and message based on that. Similar to real world dating, “guys don’t make passes at fat girls in glasses.”
Supersize and revise yourself! Online is a great place for anonymity, and the creeps use it to their full advantage! Spouses looking to cheat, bullies looking to make someone cry, stalkers looking for details – the possibilities are endless. You have to be extra vigilant when you’re on an online dating website. Even if it isn’t at that extreme, thousands of people upsell themselves to a point where you have to wonder what fantasy world they are living in (an eHarmony study showed that 40% of men will say things like “I am a big shot in the movie industry” when they really just sell tickets at a local theatre.) With photo filters being a click away, anyone can go from looking like the Big Bad Wolf to looking like Red Riding Hood, and there are the men and women who have more baggage than American Airlines.
There are more ghosts on dating sites than in a haunted house. I’ve had three guys that seemed like decent prospects become Casper and disappear with no reason. Guy #1 was a good looking guy who lived by where I work. Okay so he still lived with his ex-wife, and the more we talked, the more it seemed that he still loved her, so that may have been a ghostly blessing in disguise. Guy #2 seemed great – funny, lived close, cute, an english teacher at a nearby high school (I mean, come on), and then…POOF, gone. No reason, though he did show up about a month later and apologized. Stupid me gave him another chance. Bet you can’t guess what happened! Guy #3 was very recent. He lived close enough, and was good looking and a psych nurse. Aaaand I have no idea where he went. Three strikes, I’m out.
Or am I…? The Daily News said that ⅓ of marriages start with online dating. Personally, I know a shit ton of couples who have met on various dating sites, gotten married, popped out a few kids, and are living that evasive “happily ever after.”
So here I am alone and waiting, but hey, at the very least I get to avoid the awkwardness of sitting on a bar stool, having a beer bottle sweat down my hand as I am passed up for the spunky girl next to me; now I can get rejected from the comfort of my own home!